An introduction
What are parts?
We are not a single, unified self. We have many internal parts.
Most people are familiar with the concept of having different parts of the self, even if we have never had language for it. We might say part of me wants to say yes, but part of me is holding back, or a part of me still feels like a child when that happens. These phrases describe how the mind is organised, as a gathering of inner parts, each with its own feelings, beliefs, memories and ways of behaving.
Parts come into being for a reason. Many took shape early, in response to something difficult, and took on a job, to protect us, keep us acceptable, or make sure we were never hurt in that way again. A part might drive us to achieve, or keep us small and quiet, or numb us when feeling becomes too much. Its methods may have become painful, but underneath, its intention was always to help.
What is powerful about this idea is recognising that parts of us may be stuck in old pain, but the whole of us is not.
Within and beyond all these parts is something steadier, called the Self. Not another part, but the calm, curious, compassionate ground from which every part can be met. Much of this work is about helping you return to that ground, so that the parts which have been running the show can finally be heard, understood, and released from jobs they no longer need to carry.
Who this is for
You may already know your parts.
- You find yourself acting in ways you do not want to, and cannot seem to stop, however hard you try.
- An old, younger feeling can take you over, and suddenly you are reacting from somewhere much earlier than now.
- You are hard on yourself, driven by an inner critic that never quite lets you rest.
- You sense you have exiled or hidden away parts of who you are, in order to be accepted.
If any of that is familiar, you already know your parts. This work simply offers a way to turn towards them with compassion rather than conflict.
Examples of parts
You will almost certainly recognise some of these.
The protectors
The parts that keep others at a distance, so the softer, more vulnerable parts are never exposed.
The exiled parts
Something true about you, your sensitivity, your anger, your creativity, that was pushed out of sight to keep you acceptable.
Some examples include:
Inner critic
The voice that judges and corrects, often trying to keep you safe by making sure you are never caught out.
Perfectionist
The part that drives you to do more and be more, sometimes long past the point of exhaustion.
Inner child
A wounded, younger part that still carries a hurt from long ago, and reacts as if it were happening now.
People-pleaser
The part that tries to keep everyone happy at the cost of your own needs.
Who this work is informed by
This approach is my own synthesis, developed through years of practice, but it stands on the shoulders of others, and I think it matters to name them.
Richard Schwartz's model of the mind as a system of parts, each welcome, with a core Self at the centre.
Carl Jung's understanding of the Self as the whole of the psyche, conscious and unconscious.
Donald Kalsched's insight into how our defences, formed to protect us from trauma, can turn against us.
Robert Falconer's recognition that parts may carry energies from beyond the individual, from the collective.
The work of Gabor Maté, Peter Levine, Janina Fisher and Deb Dana, which keeps this approach trauma-informed and safe.
The tradition I trained and teach within, which works with parts from an expanded, open awareness of the Self.
Which recognise soul loss, the way parts of us can withdraw, and the possibility of their return.
How this can help you
More space and acceptance for what is.
When we stop trying to silence our parts and begin to listen to them, something eases. The behaviours we could not change begin to soften, because the part driving them finally feels understood. The inner conflict quietens, and the energy we spent holding parts down becomes available for living.
Over time, you come to know yourself as a whole made of many, able to hear each part without being run by any one of them, anchored in a Self that can meet whatever arises with compassion.
